As of the time I’m writing this sentence, it is less than 24 hours until Nintendo’s e3 Direct. I can hardly even CONTAIN the hype; I know we’re not supposed to go into these things with high expectations, but screw it, this is the year of SMASH, my expectations are bigger than Ridley. Given the occasion, I figured it’d be fun to throw out some final predictions and see how many of these bad boys come to fruition.

10. Another 3DS Groaner

Nintendo is keeping the 3DS on life support with remakes and new titles that require extremely little effort to produce. Functionally speaking it’s dead, and officially speaking it SHOULD be dead, but Nintendo’s milking that cash cow dry. There’s even that Bowser’s Inside Story remake slated to release in 2019; a fact which is mind-numbingly absurd on the face of it, never mind how enraging it is when you realize that the 3DS is backwards-compatible, and thus can ALREADY PLAY THE ORIGINAL GAME. And getting a shittier version of Luigi’s Mansion on the 3DS rather than a glorious Switch remaster! Disgusting.

I don’t expect it to stop. We’ll get another 3DS groaner, you mark my words. I don’t know whether it’ll be Luigi’s Mansion 3 or a Partners in Time remake releasing in 2020, but it’s happening!

And how come it’s taking so long to release in the first place? They’re mostly just reusing Dream Team assets… FOR THE THIRD TIME.

9. Yoshi’s Flipping Island

Remember that Yoshi game that they showed off? Remember how it was announced that it’s releasing this year? Remember how we haven’t gotten anything more than a few gameplay clips? Well, you’d better believe that they’ll be showing it off this e3. It’s probably the safest prediction to make outside of the presence of Smash. It’s also probably the least interesting.

And no, sadly, I don’t think it will be called ‘Yoshi’s Flipping Island’.

8. Star Fox Grand Prix

I know this rumor has sparked a lot of ire, but I’m inclined to believe it. After the Mario/Rabbids crossover turned out to be legitimate, my bar for skepticism has been irrevocably lowered. And with multiple sources corroborating this strange title, it seems like it’s a real thing. And compared to the Kingdom Battle, Star Fox Grand Prix isn’t even that far out-there. Is it disappointing that Retro hasn’t been working on a new IP? Should F-Zero fans be pissed that Retro has been working on a high-tech futuristic racing game that ISN’T F-Zero? The answer to both of these questions is a resounding ‘of course’! But we’re stuck with it, so we may as well accept it.

I didn’t think we’d see another Star Fox for at least a decade after Star Flop Zero, but I suppose this game would have been in development longer than Zero has been a flop, so eh.

7. Fire Emblem Switch

Nintendo announced this game in January… LAST January. As in, before the Switch even released. We were told the game was coming out in 2018, yet we haven’t heard anything about it since that initial announcement. Could this be the first Switch game of Nintendo’s to get delayed? Perhaps, but either way, there’s no chance in hell that we aren’t getting a reveal trailer for this bad boy.

I just hope it doesn’t take the huge step towards creepy that Fates did… ah, who am I kidding, of course it will! It’ll go farther than Fates! And that’s why I’m not interested in it.

6. Online Service Details

We’re over a year into the Switch’s life and we still don’t have the paid online service that was originally supposed to release a few months in. We know it’s twenty bucks a month and we’re supposed to get NES games with it, and some of those are given online functionality for some strange reason? Given Nintendo’s godawful track record with online, many will understandably be loathe to shell out any cash for this ‘service’. And it’s not like the Switch has given us any reason to think it’ll be an improvement; we’ve gone BACK to using friend codes, we can’t even message friends, and good luck finding a game that employs voice chat! That’s all done through a phone app that nobody uses!

I think that Nintendo will attempt(strong emphasis on that word) to impress us by showing off some features of their online service. If I had to guess I’d say that Smash has a really elaborate online system and they’ll want to lure people that way.

We don’t even get a damned Internet Browser and we’re supposed to have faith in the Switch’s online capabilities?!

5. Mii-Focused Game

Yeah, after the horrendous flop that was the Wii U, Nintendo has done a good job of distancing itself from the Wii branding and trying to appeal more to the core gamer than the casual audience. Now that they’ve largely gotten the core gamer on board, I do expect them to try and appeal to the casuals with a game that’s more up their alley. Mark my words, Nintendo isn’t done with the Miis just yet; they’re still featured on the Switch, after all, despite currently having no purpose.

Switch Sports Resort?

4. Super Mario Odyssey DLC

If the game is going to have DLC at all – which seems to be a toss-up at the very LEAST – then it’s going to be at this e3. As for what the DLC itself may be, well, all evidence points to Delfino Island, but I’m sure you’re well aware of that.

While NOT getting Sunshine DLC would be disappointing, a Sunshine remaster would more than make up for it.

3. Skyward Sword HD

I don’t care what the haters think, Skyward Sword is a great game and it’s totally going to get a remaster on the Switch. Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, The Wind Waker, and Twilight Princess have all gotten this treatment; Skyward Sword is next in line. “But wait,” you object. “Skyward Sword is a flop that everyone hates!” Ha ha, well, don’t let the vocal minority sway you, my friend. Skyward Sword released to critical acclaim and sold over three million units, which, while modest, is a decent showing considering it was the Wii’s last legitimate title. And we all know how poor the attach rate on that system is. And even the vocal minority of haters could potentially be swayed by a remaster that fixes some of the game’s issues; Fi could be made much less intrusive, and perhaps we could have the option to eschew motion controls?

If you’re still unconvinced this is happening, I present to you the smoking gun. Grezzo, which worked on the Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask remasters, was putting out a hiring notice in the making of a “legend”. While it was widely agreed upon that another Zelda remaster was in the works, some speculated that it would actually be a Link’s Awakening 25th anniversary remaster for the 3DS. But the time for that has long passed, so I feel it’s safe to expect Skyward Sword HD soon; it may or may not be at this e3, but I’m betting it will be.

And if there’s anything this world needs, it’s more HD Ghirahim.

2. Pikmin 4

It’s no secret that the Pikmin development team loves to take their sweet time; it was NINE YEARS between the release of Pikmin 2 and 3, and it’s already been over half that since 3 released. Strangely enough, we know development began right after 3 was complete and we even had Miyamoto going on record to state that the game was nearing completion… around three years ago. Exactly what manner of development hell this game is ensnared in is unknown, but I do think we’re likely to finally get a reveal trailer.

I really hope we see some high-quality cutscenes in the game. Like what we got with the Pikmin short films.

1. Super Smash Bros.

We know Smash is going to be at e3 and that it’s – hopefully – releasing this year, but not much else. With all the vagueness surrounding the title, I’ve decided to throw out a bunch of different predictions via bucket list.

  • The game will release in September along with the Switch’s online service
  • The game will be the Majora’s Mask to 4’s Ocarina of Time; that is to say, it will reuse a lot of assets but will still be a legitimate sequel rather than a port or remaster
  • There will be a new SSE-style adventure mode
  • We’ll get a Brawl or Melee-style reveal trailer that shows off a bunch of newcomers rather than Smash 4’s approach of giving each newcomer a separate trailer
  • Ridley and Simon Belmont will be shown off at e3
And I’m going to guess that we’ll get to see more of this deliciously unsettling style in the Smash reveal trailer.